wedding invitation wording etiquette

i found this great help in what to write on our wedding invitiation. written by ms. cesai

We had an idea on how our invitation wordings would read like hence, we expected writing it to be a breeze. To our surprise, we couldn't find the perfect words that would best describe what we wanted to say. We had to look up invitations of other people and brush up on our invitation wordings etiquette before we were able to start on ours.

To help other brides and grooms, this post is about the most common wedding wordings etiquette.

Let's start with the announcement of the bride and groom's marriage. Here in our country, as we are a patriarchal bunch, we put the groom's surname first before the bride's. If the groom, for example, is Juan Dela Cruz and the bride is Maria Santos, it would become Dela Cruz - Santos Nuptials. May I reiterate that Nuptials is with an S. I tend to cringe when I see Nuptial on invitations especially on well-known invitation-makers already. They really should know better and should advise couples the right word to use since according to dictionaries:

Nuptials - [noun] wedding
Nuptial - [adjective] pertaining or relating to marriage

Nuptial, as it is an adjective, describes something that is wedding related. Examples would be nuptial mass, nuptial candle, etc. Nuptials, as it is a noun, is the wedding per se. Hence, Dela Cruz - Santos Nuptials is the same as Dela Cruz - Santos Wedding since they are both used as nouns.

Next is who would be the inviter of the wedding. Traditionally, the invites are issued in the third person. Nowadays, however, it is said that it depends on who will shoulder the expenses of the wedding. If the parents will shoulder the expenses, the invitation would read as:

"Engr. and Mrs. Albert Dela Cruz and Mr. & Mrs. Charlie Santos
request the honour of your presence at the wedding of their children,
Juan and Maria"

If the couple and the parents would share the expenses, it would be:

"We,
Juan and Maria,
together with our parents,
Engr. and Mrs. Albert Dela Cruz and Mr. & Mrs. Charlie Santos
request the honour of your presence"

If the expenses would be by the couple only: (Others omit the 3rd and 4th line but I do think Filipinos want to include their parents in the invitations to show their respect.)

"We,
Juan and Maria,
with the blessing of our parents,
Engr. and Mrs. Albert Dela Cruz and Mr. & Mrs. Charlie Santos
request the honour of your presence"

You can also do below if you want to show the mothers' names:

Engr. Albert Dela Cruz              Mr. Charlie Santos
Mrs. Susan Dela Cruz                Mrs. Diane Santos

Other pertinent infos you might want to know:
* The year and numbers are written out in full. Although I've read somewhere that you can write the number as it is after the number 10. To be safe, we've used the Roman Numeral on a number below 10 on ours as it looks formal still.
* "The favour of a reply" is a more formal version of RSVP (Répondez s'il vous plaît).
* Honour and favour is always used with a u.
* If you're using "o'clock" for the time, it is "at half after three o'clock" not "at half past three o'clock." Use "in the morning/afternoon" if you want to use "at half past" (at half past three in the afternoon).

I am not claiming that you should do what is posted here as wedding wordings etiquette changes in time (oh, except the nuptials!). E.g. I've read in an etiquette book that RSVP should be followed by an address and not a telephone number. Filipinos, however, never mail their responses and would just call, sms or email (some never reply at all!) thus making the said etiquette rule inapplicable to us.

This post is only a guide for soon-to-weds like us. It's up to you to decide on what your invites would read like.

A Must Read for Wedding Guests

You're Invited!
Q & A for Wedding Guests
by: John & Benz Rana
article originally appeared in print: 12.03.05 in Manila Bulletin Lifestyle section

It's December once again and it not just time for Christmas shopping and partying, but it's also time for weddings! It's the peak season for tying-the-knot in this part of the earth. So how many wedding invites have you gotten so far?

Unless you're [a] serial bride like J.Lo (saying Liz Taylor would have been more accurate at this point but we want to be "kewl" to relate with the Gen Y peeps!), we figured that most of us would be along the pews more often than being at THE altar. This is the reason why we dedicate this month's column to the wedding guest - the person who gets to prepare the least during the wedding. Never mind the bride! We're sure she has read countless of wedding etiquette to last 'til her unborn son finally gets married. Actually, she's got too much info that she even prepares a Miss Manners list for her groom and her entire entourage to follow.

If it's your first time attending a wedding, what follows is a simple guide of Dos & Don'ts to get through such a social event. Note that we made these questions up so allow us to be sarcastic and blunt with some of our responses to ourselves.


Questions & Answers

Q. I got an invite but have no plans of attending; should I still send a gift?

A. First thing's first. If you won't be able to attend for whatever reason, please RSVP. A big chunk of the wedding budget goes to the reception and it will be utterly inconsiderate to just give up a reserved seat without letting the couple know. Give them the chance to assign that seat to another guest in their "waitlist." Having that out of the way, let's get to your question: YES, it is customary to still send a gift.


Q. The envelope bears only my name. May I ask if I can bring a date?

A. Don't bring a date unless your invitation specifically says "and Guest." Bringing unexpected guests is very impolite. Neither should you ask the couple's permission if you may bring one or not. Don't put your friends on the spot. We Filipinos don't really like turning down people. So how would you know if their "Yes" means yes or not? Spare them that trouble.


Q. The invite says "Mr. & Mrs." Could we bring our kids?

A. Never bring the kids unless "& Family" is indicated. Soon-to-weds don't usually invite children for a good reason. Kids get bored or cranky during hour-long masses. Their tantrums might disrupt the solemnity of the ceremony. Weddings are usually formal events typically not appropriate for the little ones. To be blunt about it, inviting a child at the reception means added two mouths to feed - the kid's and the yaya's.

Follow-up Q. But my son/daughter is the bearer/flower girl. I'm sure it's understood that my other child is invited.

A. Which part of the answer above didn't you understand? Seriously, if the couple wanted to invite your other kid, they would have specified that on the envelope.

2nd follow-up Q. But I'm breastfeeding, I'm sure my friends will understand, won't they?

A. Granting that it's an infant and he or she won't eat at the reception - let's even assume that your baby won't wail at the church - the answer is still NO! Not even if you've perfected the art of being a cow in a long gown. Four words: Breast Pump and Babysitter!


Q. I don't have a clue what gift to give them. Any ideas?

A. The average Pinoy soon-to-wed would always prefer monetary gifts more than any other gift. It is the unspoken fact. We're telling you now to make it easier for them to let you know what they REALLY want; unless they indicated that already in their invites which, by the way, is a very tacky thing to do.

If you're not comfortable giving cash, you may ask the couple where they are registered (Gift / Bridal Registry) and choose from what's listed under their names in the store. You can also ask them where they're residing after the wedding and take the cue from there. If you know that they'll be migrating abroad or living with their parents for the time being, a ref or another oven toaster may not be the most practical and logical gift.


Q. I'm convinced. So how much cash should I give them? I don't want to give too little or too much.

A. That's a hard thing to answer. It's really a case-to-case thing. Try to put yourself in the couple's shoes. How much should a guest of your stature give you without being branded a cheapskate? Also consider your relationship with the couple. If you're good friends of the couple's parents, you'll probably shell-out more than if you were simply the bride's Girl Friday.


Q. Could I skip the ceremony and head straight to the reception?

A. You can. BUT you shouldn't! You are invited to THE wedding -- that's the part where they exchange their "I dos." The reception is where the Receiving Line is. You can't be 'received' if you are already seated in the hall, right? "Patay-gutom" is too harsh a word and we assure you that it's by no means what anyone would think if indeed you decide to go straight to the reception. But admit that it struck a nerve just mentioning the word in that context, isn't it?


Q. Speaking of the Receiving Line, what should be the proper greeting?

A. Here's the rule: Say "Congratulations" to the groom and "Best Wishes" to the bride. The reason behind is that "congrats" implies that someone has caught something or won a prize, and it is rather improper to imply that the bride "caught" the man who married her. If this rule gets mixed-up in your head come wedding day, just say the two phrases together and look at both of them. That usually works!

Likewise, saying "Good Luck!" no matter how pure your wishes are will also sound very inappropriate for obvious reasons.


Q. Nice try, but what if the couple makes a Grand Entrance and left the Receiving Line to their parents? What then should I tell them? Note that I don't even know which sets of parents are whose.

A. Didn't we tell you already not to skip the ceremony? The bride and groom usually walk alongside their respective parents at the very start!

Anyway, make your pleasantries short and sweet. Shake their hands and say "Hello! I'm (your name) and I went to school with (name of bride/groom) in (school's name)/an officemate of (name of bride/groom) at (name of company)." They usually respond with "Nice meeting you." Just smile, nod politely, and move on to the next person. If one replies "Hi! I've heard so much about you!", simply smile and nod just the same. No lengthy conversation; just make small talk at most. If you can't find the words to say, just smile again, nod politely, and move.


Q. During the banquet, is there anything I need to know?

A. Nowadays, the Reception Program usually have the guests on each table stand up and have their picture taken with the couple before being led to the buffet. This is done to resolve two issues of past weddings: (a) for the couple's convenience and skip the tiring Table-Hopping ritual just to have their picture taken with all their guests; and (b) for the guests' convenience so they won't have to wait very long for their turn in the buffet line.

Keep in mind that Buffet is NOT synonymous with "Eat-All-You-Can." Do not pile your plate full. Be courteous of those who have yet to be served. Don't worry. You can easily go for seconds.


Q. I'm used to a Buffet setting, but what if it's a formal Sit-Down Dinner? Which fork do I start with again?

A. You're on your own, pal. Watch "Pretty Woman" again and see how Julia Roberts nailed it!

Creative Guestbook Ideas

#1 Fingerprint Tree.

This is such a unique idea! I have never seen anything like it! You just draw a tree with branches only, then put up a sign asking the guests to "leaf" a fingerprint and sign their name. Brilliant! parang gusto kong gawin toh..^^ more photos here

#2 Photobooth and Chalkboard in one

I've always like photobooths. They're really fun to have in any occasions. However, if you're in a tight budget like we are, photobooths are out of the question. But then I saw this great Photobooth DIY tutorial, napa-isip naman ako bigla. Ma-try nga ito.

Calendar Save the Dates

I got this great Calendar Save the Date from WeddingChicks. The download includes the card template and a cute envelope to make the Save the Date card more special. They also have other great DIY projects and templates that you can certainly use wheteher you're about to wed or not. Excited! They also have the

Invitation Template: Boarding Pass Invitation

I found this great boarding pass template for free! Click here. Instructions found here.

Guidelines for Marriage: Cebu Metropolitan Cathedral

The Sacrament of Marriage is a sacred act which has to be respected with utmost reverence. In line with the Marriage Guidelines implemented by the Archdiocese of Cebu, the Cebu Metropolitan Cathedral has these provisions to be strictly followed:

I. Requirements BEFORE Marriage

1. Reservation by the contracting party is made personally at the parish office at least two months before the wedding.
2. Canonical interview of the contracting parties by a priest of Cebu Metropolitan Cathedral is made one month before the wedding, with Baptismal Certificate, Confirmation Certificate, Government Marriage License  (or Marriage Contract if already civilly married) shown to the priest.
3. Certificate of Attendance of one whole day Pre-Cana Seminar conducted in Cebu Metropolitan Cathedral or other parishes is to be presented.
4. Publication of marriage banns is made in the parishes of the bride and groom.
5. A written permission from the Archdiocesan Chancellor is required for mixed marriage (Catholic with non-Catholic), or if one is a non-Filipino citizen, and for those who cannot have the marriage banns published for serious reasons.

II. Important Information

1. Time for the whole ceremony should be limited to one hour and thirty minutes from processional to the end of picture taking to allow for another scheduled wedding or mass to follow. In case the wedding cannot start on time, such actions are to be implemented:
          a. 15 minutes late - no more homily
          b. 20 minutes late - no more homily, no more singing of offertory, Sanctus, Our Father
          c. 25 minutes late - no more processional, homily, singing of offertory, Sanctus, Our Father
          d. 30 minutes late - no more processional and picture taking, ONLY mass and wedding rites
2. Children who have taken first communion can only be ring bearers and flower girls
3. Only installed lectors are allowed to read the readings and prayers of the faithful and installed psalmists are allowed to sing the psalm.
4. Commentators and commentaries are prohibited during the mass.
5. There is no unity candle or bible blessing or any other extraneous rites to be added.
6. Cords made either of fibers or synthetic materials are to be used. Cords made of rosaries are prohibited. Coins should be loosed and placed in a pouch not in cagers.
7. There should be no offertory procession.
8. Two candles are lit during the singing of Sanctus, followed by the laying of veil and cord.
9. The veil and cord are removed during the singing of Lamb of God.
10. Only sacred music is allowed to be sung during the wedding. Secular and popular music are not allowed during the liturgy and within the church building. No music during the marriage rite.
11. Photographers and Videographers are not allowed in the sanctuary. Video cameras should be stationary. They should be properly dressed in polo or polo barong and wearing of t-shirts and shorts and slippers are not allowed.
12. The couple and the whole of the entourage are strictly asked to dress modestly

a citrus themed wedding

Yellow, orange and lime are all pretty colors on their own, but used together they are even better. They are just so upbeat and would lend a very cheery attitude to our wedding and reception just the way we want it. ^^